The Black Market
by GenrexLP
Summary: "Even ice melts you know," was all she said. Looking up at her face and into her eyes, Kai knew that what she said was true. "Even ice melts" he replied, and smiled at her.
1. I Don't Want To Be Here Anymore

_"On pins and needles we are waiting for the fall - We count the days scratching lines on the wall_  
 _Wait in the wings at someone's back and call_  
 _No longer recognize the place that I call home - No longer recognize this face as my own_  
 _Somewhere this fate, I lost control ..."_

 _-"I Don't Want To Be Here Anymore" - Rise Against-_

* * *

The distant rumble of thunder can be heard. The sky was turning grey. Everywhere he looked, people around him were retreating. _Find some shelter_ was what his mind said, but he dismissed the thought and kept on walking.

Sometime later he reached a building that looked abandoned and rather beaten-down by the weather. Reaching inside his pocket he retrieved a key and proceeded to open the door. Another loud rumble was heard as the sky prepared to unleash its wrath on the city.

He sighed and went inside the building. Leaning against the wall he felt about it until his fingers met a familiar point. He switched on the light, dim as it was and looked around the room he was in.

He sighed again as he heard the pitter-patter of raindrops slowly falling. He knew that the slow pitter-patter will turn into a galloping horse within the next five minutes. He walked over to the battered remains of an old and musty couch and flopped himself on it. Waiting like that for the course of the next five or ten minutes he sighed again and looked at a cupboard which was kept in a corner of the room.

He went towards it and opened it, grabbed something from the inside and gazed at it. This was his prized possession, the one thing that he felt like he truly owned. This was his and his alone.

He took the object and started to climb a staircase that will lead him to the upper floor of the building. He loved this floor. Simply because the roof had holes in certain places that were wide enough for him to gaze at the stars at night and because of the half-shattered window that provided him an astounding view of the world outside the lonely walls of the dejected building.

He went to the window and watched the rain. A streak of lightning illuminated the room. He momentarily saw the reflection of his face on the remaining piece of glass on the window. He grunted.

After staying at the window for about half an hour or so, lost in his thoughts, he ventured downstairs to keep his prize back in its resting place. Then he lumbered back upstairs, pulled out a folded bundle of sheets and arranged a makeshift bed for himself.

 _Alone and forgotten,_ he thought, _Hn, who cares._

And with that Kai Hiwatari drifted off to sleep.

* * *

There she was clutching her pillow tightly, trying not to scream every time the thunder boomed in the sky.

 _"Typhoon Fujiwara is expected to hit Tokyo by this evening. Heavy rainfall, strong winds and drastic temperature drops are to be expected. All citizens in the area are advised to stay indoors until the typhoon subsides. And that's your daily weather report."_

She remembered watching the weather forecast this afternoon. She knew it would be cold but she didn't think that it would be _this_ cold. Another streak of lightning flashed and a large boom followed, resulting in her clutching her pillow even tightly and screaming her head off. She desperately tried not to cry but the tears were already on the corners of her eyes, just waiting to fall, one by one.

Hilary hated the thunder and lightning. It was loud, scary and bright at the same time, like something traumatic.

"I'm a tough girl"

"I'm a tough girl"

"I'm a tough girl"

She said to herself trying to ease away the fear.

"I'm a tough g-" she ended with another scream as thunder rolled in again. This time, the thunder and lightning broke her dams and she started seeping out the faintest of rivers. The rivers started flooding.

Hilary started sobbing, slowly and then losing control every time thunder and lightning followed. She clutched her pillow even tighter. She hated this. She really really hated this.

* * *

It was still raining heavily in the morning. Kai slowly started to wake up. He lay there in his "bed" listening to the sounds around him. He liked the sound of the wind howling and the rain hitting the roof steadily. The main part of the storm was over but he knew that the thunder and lightning will return again. _They always do_ he thought.

He lay there and thought about his past, the wheels that he tried so hard to escape from, but were always coming after him. He felt anger building up inside him. He remembered a certain scene from his past.

 **()**

 _It was raining heavily. A lone post was fixed on a wide expanse of land. He was led there to the post. He knew what was going to happen. He's seen it before. He's been here before._

 _"I'm going to enjoy seeing your flesh being ripped from your weak body, Kai" retorted a tall figure who was watching Kai being dragged out to the post._

 _Kai didn't fight back, he didn't say a word in his defense. He did nothing at all. Because he knew that nothing he could do would matter. This was his destiny. Pain._

 _A kid, he guessed that the kid was his own age or close to that, chained him to the post. The shackles were really heavy and Kai tried his best not to stagger under the weight loaded onto him. The kid smirked and gave Kai a look of pure loathing._

 _"What have you done to this children Boris? Why can't you just leave these innocent kids alone?" Kai thought to himself._

 _He's seen orphans, homeless and all kinds of assorted bunches who knew not the slightest trace of hate, being turned into mindless zombies by Boris and the others who worked at the abbey. The zombies had only one purpose, to carry out whatever task BioVolt and Boris required them to do. Many of these tasks involved the destruction of others._

 _"In fact," Kai thought, "everything was about power and greed. Nothing more. Not a thing."_

 _The kid then brought out a whip. Smirking at Kai again, he raised the whip in the air. Kai didn't fear the impact that he was about to feel. He steeled himself and looked out to the far corner of the field, where Boris stood with his gaze fixed on Kai._

 _Kai looked and he swore that he saw Boris break into a smile, an evil grin more likely. Kai wasn't going to scream in pain, he just wasn't going to let Boris have his satisfaction._

 _The whip came down, once, twice he soon lost count on how many times. He could feel his skin ripping but he didn't even utter the slightest sound. No. He was stronger than Boris and his army of hate-filled zombies. He was stronger than the man whom he is related to, his grandfather Voltaire Hiwatari. He was stronger than everyone there. And Kai was determined to show it._

 **()**

He jolted out of his memories, his blood boiling and head throbbing. The rain had subsided greatly but the wind was still strong, which meant that it would be raining again soon. He felt hungry but brushed it off, he could eat later. He rolled up his bed and put it back in the corner where it usually stays.

 _Another boring Saturday I guess_ he thought.

* * *

The room was quiet and calm, unlike in yesterday night and the early hours of today morning. Quiet enough to hear the calm and steady breaths of the sleeping figure covered in blankets and hugging her pillow tightly. The rays of sunshine peered through her window and illuminated her in a somewhat ambient glow.

She grunted, caught her breath and slowly and rather lazily opened her eyes. It was a new day. _The rain has stopped but the wind is still blowing_ she thought. She got up and yawned.

"Well, thunderstorm or not, life goes on!" she stated simply.


	2. The Eco-Terrorist In Me

_"When it all comes down - Will you say you did everything you could?_ _  
_ _When it all comes down_ _-_ _Can you say that you never gave up?_ _  
_ _Were you standing by to watch it fall away?_ _  
_ _Will you hold on or let it go? ..."_

 _-"The Eco-Terrorist In Me " - Rise Against-_

* * *

 _One...Two...Three...Four..._ he was counting to himself. Counting always calmed him. He mentally counted off two entire minutes before opening his closed eyelids and looking out at the world, a world where he didn't belong. Where he will _never_ belong.

The wind blew about strongly as clouds seemed to be gathering once again. _Looks like the typhoon is back_ he thought to himself. He checked the skies and estimated about one and a half to two hours more for the storm to really pick up again. Enough time for him to take a walk and return back to his "home".

Normally, he would go to the _Kinomiya Dojo_ on a Saturday and force his "team" to practice their skills, but not this week. Takao and Max had gone for a week-long trip to the more Southern part of Japan while Ray had to go back to his hometown in China for a village ceremony.

And so, he resolved to taking walk by himself. He stopped walking for a moment and looked up at the sky.

" I walk alone...and I always will " he said out to no one in particular.

And with that, Kai Hiwatari continued walking.

* * *

"Uh huh" she muttered into the receiver, "I'll get the something later."

A voice half screamed from the other side.

"All right, all right " she sighed in defeat. "I'll go out now then, okay Mom? "

Another scream.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll go and get something. Not going to starve to death or anything like that you know," she replied back at her Mother, who was frantic and rather upset that her irresponsible daughter had skipped another meal because she was too busy, or more like lazy to make one.

A few more screams later, Hiromi finally managed to cut the conversation. Her parents were away visiting her grandmother, who is currently lying on her doorstep to the other side while Hiromi was stranded at home. The typhoon had hit Tokyo about a day after her parents had left and they wouldn't be coming back until another week or so.

 _Good thing that it's the holidays_ she thought. _Although, what good is a holiday if there's a storm raging on?_

Hiromi had a quick shower, thanking the hot-water supply, dressed and locked the doors before stepping out of her home.

"Time to do some inventory" she said to herself and went off to the nearest department store.

It never even occurred to her that her pink and red umbrella was actually up in her room and not in her bag as she thought.

* * *

 _Walking. Or am I more like drifting?_ he thought.

 _Maybe I'm just weightless. That means that I don't occupy a space. I'm non-existent. I'm intangible, untouchable, non-existent and just drifting off._

 _Nothing new there,_ he mulled over.

 _Just would be easier if I knew for how long._

He stopped near a large tree that was well away from the main path and didn't make him visible to the people on the road. He lay down with his head near the roots of the tree and gazed at the gloomy sky for a bit. It will be pouring in less than an hour, but he didn't care. He was far too absorbed by the darkness of the storm to actually care about anything else at all.

 _Far too long_ he sighed and closed his eyes.

* * *

"What an idiot am I?" she asked herself exasperatedly, "I had to forget the stupid umbrella didn't I?"

Hiromi, who had just finished buying things to make dinner and was putting her items in her bag, noticed only now that her umbrella was missing.

"Is there a problem Miss?" the security guard at the store asked.

"Ahh, I forgot to bring my umbrella and the storm is picking up." she explained.

"Oh my, it's just your unlucky day. We usually have an extra umbrella in the store in case of occasions like this. But another young girl who was here yesterday had borrowed it. She hasn't returned it yet too." the security guard explained rather apologetically to our frustrated "little" girl.

"Oh no..." she groaned.

"Well, I should try to get back home fast. Maybe I can outrun the storm," she replied, "maybe I will be able to get back."

"I don't think that idea's a rather good one Miss." the guard said. But Hiromi had already made up her mind to outrun the storm.

"I can only try you know," she said, "thank you anyways."

And with that, she started to pack her items i her bag as quickly as possible, determined to get back home before the storm hits her.

* * *

 **()**

 _"Give up Kai! " the voice bellowed overhead, "You don't have what it takes, and you never had the strength to go on."_

 _"You're just another weakling!"_

 **()**

* * *

Kai opened his eyes, and frowned. Every second he didn't control his thinking, his mind always drifted off to the past, the cold and the darkness engulfing him like he was being eaten up by amoeba.

Like a stray wind, his thoughts would always drift off to the darkness of the Abbey where he grew up. _And also where I lost my humanity._

 _Funny to think that I used to be a happy child. Now, laughing hurts my face. I don't recognize home, I don't even recognize my own face in the mirror. It's all just spun out of my control. I'm a victim of my own hate. I'm victimized._

"I'm victimized."

"I'm victimized."

"I'm vict - "

Kai stopped his self-induced hate-filled rambles and stared at the sky, which decided to abruptly stop his rambles with the sound of the storm.

"Hn" he smirked as the first few raindrops hit him through the gaps in the leaves of the tree he was lying under.

Lightning ripped the sky, and for that split second, Kai Hiwatari's face held a fractional ghost of a smile.

* * *

She was screaming by the first strike. Down on the ground with her bag full of groceries, Hiromi knew that she should have just listened to the security guard. But no, she had to let her strong-headed determination get the best of her. And now here she was, half-way through a park which she thought would serve as a shortcut to home.

Instead, it was a war-zone.

"Why do I have to go through this?" she asked herself.

 _" Remember children, open ground is a very dangerous place to be in when its lightning "_ she recalled her primary school teacher, Mrs. Kincaid telling this when discussing safety in school. Hiromi was always a straight-A student, only problem was that she didn't live in the outside world, just in her books and theorems.

She got up on shaky legs. Another thought came to her head.

 _"I'LL NEVER GIVE UP !"_ the voice in her head screamed as she replayed the scene in her head. She remembered his expression, the way he never lost his focus even when his opponent was laughing at him, taunting him, just lying in wait until he faltered. But he never did. That day, Kai walked away. The blader with the windy bit-beast, _didn't._

 _"As long as you remember to get back up each time you're pushed down, nothing can really push you down"_ he once said to Rei when his bit-beast was stolen.

Hiromi stood up straight and looked dead ahead. She was going to make it. No matter what.

And with that, Hiromi ran as fast as her legs would carry her while bullets cascaded all around her. _The sky isn't going to win the war_ she told herself.

* * *

He sighed as he watched the war unfold in front of his eyes. He was always like that. Waiting until everything unraveled so that he can pick up the pieces from the beginning. He liked doing that. Destroying everything just so that he can build everything up again, because he knew that the second time he built up everything, it was stronger than what it was before.

Kai kind of liked going back to the basics and redoing it correctly, over and over again.

 _Back to basics..._ he thought.

 _Back to basics... back to basics...back to basics..._

He drifted off once more and expected that he will think of the Abbey, but instead what came to his mind was totally the opposite from the pain, anger, loneliness and darkness of that cursed Abbey.

Pink and chocolate-brown. Something warm and tender, something that's the opposite of him. Pink and chocolate-brown.

 _Pink and chocolate-brown_

 _Pink and chocolate-brown_

 _Pink and chocolate-brown_

 _I wonder where she is?_ he thought. He sat up and just gazed out to the expanse of land stretched around him. Under a tree is not a good place to stay when it's raining, he reminded himself.

 _Hn, not that I CAN go anywhere in this storm, even if I wanted to_ he thought.

And that just summarized everything. He resolved to going nowhere and just staring out at the park. _I guess I'm grounded here_ he thought.

Once again though, his thoughts drifted off to pink and chocolate-brown.

"Where is she ? " he asked out loud.

* * *

A bird's eye view, shall we?

From about a hundred feet up in the air, all I see is a wide and expansive area. Green spots and sand. Except that the most of it was mixed with a grey hue, darkening everything and adding to the gloom. Trees - some tall, some not, as I fly all around. Noticing a small blob on the earth, crawling at a speed that isn't worth the fight it takes to move.

I don't see a difference at all. No unmoving blobs or trees make a difference to me. It's just the same, everywhere, every time.

Not different at all.

* * *

 _Or so I thought I was_ Kai thought.

"Maybe I _am_ indifferent." he stated out of his thoughts.

"Maybe"

* * *

Hiromi just kept on walking. She could barely move her legs, it was as if they were made of Lead.

She had collapsed twice already, but every time she did so, she stood back up. But every time she did _that_ , her strength to go on reduced. Exponentially. Hiromi was relying only on mental strength now, her physical strength being depleted almost completely.

 _Almost_ she thought.

 _Alm-_

Hiromi was cut off from her determined thoughts as a flash of pure white streaked through the dark skies, illuminating everything around her like crystals held to bright light. It was blinding, it really was and that caused her to close her eyes shut tight as possible and let out a scream as wild as a banshee's.

This was it. Her last night on earth.

* * *

Kai was bolted out of his thoughts too. He thought that he heard someone scream. Either that, or he was hallucinating. Not that it wasn't impossible.

He looked out and did a quick recon, his gaze resting on a large stone in the middle of the area.

 _Wait a minute,_ he thought, _that's NOT a stone!_

Second thoughts, careful planning and studying the battlefield thoroughly were a few of Kai's secrets for success. And he _never_ strayed from that.

But not today. Not. Today.

* * *

When it rains too much, floods are prominent. Hiromi too was flooding, although that amount of water was nothing compared to the flood that was falling on to her. She couldn't make it. She just couldn't go another step forward. She just had enough.

 _" I'LL NEVER GIVE UP ! "_ was all that rang through her head. Over and over again.

 _I'm sorry for giving up, Kai, but I'm just not as strong as you_ she thought.

* * *

"Hey! Hey you!" she barely heard someone scream. At first she thought that she was hallucinating but then again, that was impossible.

She looked around and saw through her teary eyes, someone running towards her.

"I'm over here!" she barely managed to speak out.

"What are you - " , caught in mid-sentence, Kai Hiwatari was speechless as he recognized the stranger's features.

 _Pink and chocolate-brown_ a voice said in his head.

"Kai? " was the stunned reply he got.

Seizing control over his mind before it ran off to some other thought, Kai helped her up and led her through towards where he was earlier. He was running. She was stumbling along. Both of them were crawling. But nonetheless, they were moving. And they were moving forward.

* * *

While the rain pelted and the wind howled like a wild animal, the human ice-block Kai Hiwatari was staring down at the mess of chocolate-brown all over her head. She was looking down. Too bewildered, scared and embarrassed of her "savior". Kai, on the other hand was void of any emotion. Or so, that's what his face showed.

Inside he too was scared. Though as to why he was, he had no idea.

Stray droplets of rain hit the two from the spaces in between the leaves of the tree as the wind helped to freeze them to death.

A single leaf fell from the tree and spiraled towards their feet, landing right in the middle of the distance between them. He looked at the leaf momentarily and smirked.

 _Silver apricot,_ he thought, _Ginkgo._

* * *

She looked up to his face and stared back at him.

"What were you doing out there ?"

He got no reply.

"I asked what were you doing out there?" he tried again, raising his voice a little.

Still no reply.

"Look, if you think that I'm going to keep on asking the same question and baby-sitting you then you're sadly mistaken. It's not my fault in the very least that you were so carelessly and recklessly roaming around in the middle of a thunderstorm. If you think that's how- "

Kai was cut-off, again, by a roll of thunder that practically burst his ear drums. It hurt. But what hurt more was the ear-piercing scream that the girl next to him let out while clinging to him.

Stunned, yes. In that flash of a second, Kai's thoughts had already moved out, his mind more a machine on loose gears than a readily functioning one.

 _She clung on to me? She...she...couldn't have...I'm nobody...I'm non-existent. But she is clinging on to me. Holding me tight...as if I'm her ...lifeline. But...I don't...help...I don't know...how._

 _Does this mean that she...is needing my ...help?_

 _Does ...this... mean ...that she ...trusts me?_

Kai reacted ever so slowly as Hiromi started flooding her eyes out again. He didn't wrap his arms around her. He didn't know how to.

* * *

The bird just flies ahead. If I had better eye-sight, maybe I'd see the two under the Ginkgo tree. Maybe I'd see how scared she was, and how helpless he was. Maybe he just didn't know. Maybe.


	3. A Beautiful Indifference

_" I have learned to stand up and just to walk away  
Sometimes the cold hearts aren't worth the love or the hate  
Learn to let go, learn to walk away  
Up from the shadows I'm seduced by the light of the flame,  
But this time I'm here to stay..."_

 _-"A Beautiful Indifference " - Rise Against-_

* * *

A _Ginkgo_ and a _Sakura_ , both beautiful but in two different ways. The _Sakura_ is colorful, "cherry blossoms" of pink and red dancing around the slightly hot winds of spring. _Sakura_ is like love - tender, caring, careful. _Ginkgo_ , on the other hand is green like any other tree, but not dull either. "Silver apricot" that stands tall in the heat waves of summer to the first half of Autumn, until the _Ginkgo_ leaves are roasted to a perfect blend of brown and orange. Most people don't believe that the _Ginkgo_ may even survive till the stale updraft of Winter. But they do. Sometimes.

Maybe things are just like that. Meant to be loved. Meant to survive. Meant to love. Meant to last.

Maybe that _is_ how things are.

* * *

The leaf in between their feet danced about with the wind for its partner. Swirling and twirling about. Maybe her heart felt like the leaf. Maybe his heart just wanted to run. Maybe his heart was the leaf, while hers ran off. Maybe they were both twirling each other, or maybe they had both run off to the ends of the earth.

His mind had stopped racing now. The only thought on his head being a three letter word, W-H-Y .

 _Why?_ he asked himself in his thoughts.

 _Why?_

Meanwhile, she hadn't stopped flooding her eyes out on his shoulder. They were both drenched from the storm, the gaps in the leaves ensured that more water was to follow, Hiromi's eyes just didn't seem to be tired of flooding and Kai's shoulder was like a basin to hold all of that.

* * *

It was cold, and the wind only made things worse. She was shivering. He was shivering too, but not from the cold. He didn't feel the cold. He had a pair of arms around him and a head on his heart.

 _Pink and chocolate-brown_ he thought, _Pink arms around me and chocolate-brown hair resting on my chest._

She warmed him up. Almost to the point where his frozen heart was beginning to receive that heat. She was sobbing and her tears, unlike the rain, were warm on his chest. He remembered an experiment he did in school regarding phase changes and heat exchange.

 _"Measure the temperature of the ice cube. Then measure the temperature of the water in the basin near you. Dip the ice in the water and you'll see that the temperature of the water in the basin changes, while the ice cube starts to melt."_ He recalled the teacher explaining.

 _"We know that the water has a higher temperature than ice. Therefore heat is emitted by water and the same amount of heat is absorbed by the ice cube. Causing a dynamic equilibrium between the ice cube and water regarding the heat exchange and a Latent heat value that should be accounted for due to the phase change when ice melts to water."_

"Maybe that's why her tears are so warm," he stated out loud before realizing that he actually did.

It was as if the thunderstorm was completely annihilated for that second. His gaze met her confused one, and for a moment, her teary eyes met his and registered one emotion.

* * *

 _He's scared,_ Hiromi thought, _Damn it! He's scared._

 _The one thing I thought that Kai wouldn't show, is right now in front of me. Maybe it was always there, but everyone was just too blind to see it. Or maybe he just had it locked up for all this time._

"Kai..." she began. It came out more as an inaudible whisper, but she knew that he had heard it.

"Kai...I'm...so...sorry.." she whispered.

"So...so...sorry.." she said again before breaking down again as another stray streak of thunder illuminated the sky and the cannons fired away.

* * *

Kai stood there as if he didn't hear her. His brain was on overdrive, trying to decipher her words and their meanings. He tried to speak but he couldn't even get his lips to move. He tried to speak but his mouth was just an unmoving line. He was screaming internally though, asking the same damn question, over and over again. Until finally he managed to whisper out that single question.

"Why?"

A moment of silence passed where only the sounds of the storm raged on.

"Why?" he asked again, this time though, his voice sounded desperate, as if he needed to know the answer before he crumbled away into the shadows.

" I...don't know" she replied. And with that she looked up to him once more. His expression was unreadable. She shivered against his body, a body that offered not the slightest warmth.

"I'm just...sorry..." she whispered again.

He sighed and tried a different approach.

"What were you doing out in the rain?"

"I was coming back...home...I know that I ...shouldn't have gone..." she whispered into his chest, her words resonating on the walls of his heart.

Lightning and another muffled shriek followed. She started crying again. This time though, gravity pulled both of them down. Half-standing, sort of kneeling on the grass near the tree.

"Don't cry" he stated.

 _Was that a trace of concern in his words?_ she thought.

"I can't help it" she managed to reply.

"No, you can. Never give up!"

She remembered that those were the exact same words that she were repeating in her head for oh so long. The exact same words by the exact same person.

She looked up to him and gave a little smile.

"It was your words ... and ...your thoughts of never quitting...that got me this far...thank you..."

* * *

Candles are used to light the darkness around. It's also used to refer something fading, like you know that the candle is your salvation from the darkness, but then the candle too will end up in a pool of liquid wax. And then what happens? What happens is that the light will go off. And the darkness will be back.

* * *

Overdrive again.

 _Wait! What? What does she mean "your words" ? I don't help anyone! I don't! I don't!_

He looked up to her face, the corners of her mouth upturned in the oh so slightest smile. He felt like that smile was melting him. He was a candle, one end of him was being burnt up by his past. While simultaneously the other end had just started burning with something he didn't know. Something that he just couldn't place. But whatever it was, it was melting him faster than his past.

 _She...trusts me?_

* * *

"Hiromi...do you...trust... me? "

He looked into her eyes and already got the answer. She needn't answer it. And she didn't anyways. She just rested her head on his shoulder.

 _Pink and blue. Chocolate-brown and grey. Sakura and Apricot._

* * *

Kai tensed up. This was human contact, and he hated human contact. He was about to push her away and get up and retreat to the furthest and darkest corner of the world when he stopped. When he _was_ stopped.

Warmth coursed through him. She held his hand in both of hers, her eyes half shut but tear brimmed.

"Of course"

* * *

I'm a shape-shifter of sorts. First a bird, now a thought. Then? Then what? What else do I have? What else can I do but shift my form from one thing to another? Nothing. I'm drifting off...

 _Ha ha ..._

Well let the thought think.

The two sides of life are separated by a very fine line. Black. And white. There are no real shades of grey in between. The line made sure. The line always makes sure. Like the majority and the minority.

The MAJORITY. The minority.

This is the height of hypocrisy. The MAJORITY never _was_ the majority in the first place. The minority is the majority. But then again, the majority dictates the terms, and we the minority, follow. Hypocrisy eh?

 _Uh huh..._

* * *

Part of him told him to run away. Part of him told to say something. He just couldn't decide what to do. Where the hell is his fine line? What in the world was black and what was white? Where was the majority at?

 _GO or STAY._

And thus, Kai Hiwatari, for the very first time in his life, was truly undecided.

* * *

She felt peaceful. Thunder still blasted the area to bits, but she wasn't scared. She had a lifeline, a hand to hold. She just hoped that Kai will hold her hand too. She just hoped that he would accept her help.

She started singing softly, the words coming out more as a whisper.

 _"Tsyouko naru koto kodoku datte koto - Mou waketteru kara_

 _Tooi maboroshi oikakeru yo ni - Mezameru sora no tobidatou ..."_

She looked up and their gazes caught once again. A beat too long in fact. She felt her cheeks warming up as Kai looked at the ground in a suddenly overwhelming interest.

 _Looks like a whisper was loud enough_ , she thought as she closed her eyes, her hair blending in with Kai's.

* * *

 **()**

 _"You see these people? Well they are the ones who have taken away all you hold dear away from you! These people stole from you till there was nothing left! Do you see them?"_

 _"Yes Sir!" came the unified shout of about a hundred voices._

 _"They have abused you! They have cheated you! They lied to you! And they will always keep doing so! Do you understand? "_

 _"Yes Sir!"_

 _"You must fight back, you must win!"_

 _"Sir yes Sir!" came the reply to the power hungry maniac dictating terms to the listeners._

 _"Good! Now resume your training and work to your limit!"_

 _"Sir yes Sir!" and with that the crowd dissipated. All but two. One on the elevated stage, and one on the ground._

 _"Ah, young master Kai!"_

 _"What have you done to these children Boris?"_

 _"Aren't you getting tired of asking that same question Kai? I haven't done anything. I've only told these children the truth."_

 _"Stop lying! Why? Why are you doing this?"_

 _"Because that pathetic excuse of a child I have couldn't"_

 _Both Boris and Kai turned to see the approaching figure. They both knew who this was. Kai looked back at Boris, who had a wide grin plastered to his face._

 _"Yes, if you say so my lord Voltaire."_

 _Voltaire Hiwatari looked at Boris and nodded. Then he looked back at his grandson and gave him a look of pure loathing. He touched his cheeks and said in a harsh tone, "Your father made the wrong choice by declining all this."_

 _He shook Kai roughly and spoke to Boris, "Make sure that my grandson does NOT end that way!" And with that Voltaire Hiwatari walked off._

 **()**

* * *

Back in the real world, he met a pair of auburn eyes staring into his. He sensed something in the pair that he thought he didn't know of. Concern.

 _What happened to me?_

 _How did the walls come crashing down?_

Her lips parted, but then she sealed them again.

 _Why am I here with her?_

"Kai..." she whispered. It was astonishing that anyone could even hear her with the battle raging all around them.

"What..happened to...you?"

Kai didn't want to answer that question. _I don't owe her an explanation,_ he thought, _I don't._

She gripped his hand tighter.

"Kai...I just...I...want to...help...you..."

Lightning crackled at the exact moment, illuminating them both in the afterglow. She didn't scream this time, but rather tightened her grip on Kai's hand, almost crushing it.

"Why?" he asked. A minute or so of silence passed and as much as Kai loved the silence, he didn't want this kind of a silence to last. He wanted an answer. Now.

"Maybe ...I can be a ...friend"

Kai let her words sink into him. Digested those words, mashed them into his neurons, electric signals transmitting all over his brain. And for just a second, Kai Hiwatari was engulfed by her words.

* * *

Feet frozen in quicksand, Kai was second guessing the hand that hovered over him. He never strayed from his own self, his own way.

 _How can I trust her? Why should I ?_

"Kai...I know that you're thinking why you should trust me...I don't...I ...won't blame you if you don't...it's just that...ever since the day I met you...I always ... kind of looked up to you...and I do trust you..."

"Hiromi..." he started, bewildered that he actually did, but her words had gotten to him. She wasn't lying. She really did trust him. And if she could trust him, he could trust her.

And then, the story starts. From losing his father because of a stupid game, to his grandfather entrenching him at Balkov Abbey, to the pain and darkness of BioVolt, to him, a human being converted into an inhuman ice-block, Kai told her. She was a god listener and never interrupted him.

Even the weather permitted their conversation. For not a single time since Kai started speaking, had the sky thundered.

* * *

He looked into her eyes, sure of the signs of loathing in them. She wanted to help him, but how could she after knowing his story.

 _She hates me_.

* * *

Her mind was racing. She just didn't know how a human could endure so much pain. His mind was twisted into thinking that he was alone, and that he always will be. This isn't true. She denied it full out.

* * *

If I could paint how I feel, I'd paint a picture of a fist curled up. And underneath it, I'd write the words "I want the truth".

But sometimes, the truth can be a poison whereas the white lies that we speak every day, are as sweet as honey. Maybe that's how all of our lives have been built up on. On white lies. Maybe that's how the world was built on.

But what if a lie is no longer white, but black as a day without sun?

* * *

The grip on his hand loosened. He knew it. This was the end. Hiromi was leaving. She had head too much and hated him for it. She hated him more and more with every damn word he spoke. And he knew this.

She let go of his hand.

* * *

The next thing that happened made Kai question reality. _Is this a delusion?_

* * *

Maybe everything _is_ built up on a lie, or maybe things are more complex than we can imagine it to be. Maybe something do have a lining a reality in them.

* * *

She touched his face. Her hands, as cold as they were, heating up his entire body. He didn't know how to respond to this. He had no idea whatsoever. He looked back into those auburn pools again.

He was surprised to see her eyes brimming with tears. She closed her eyes, just for a second, and let her tears fall. She didn't say a thing. She just rested her head on his shoulder and waited like that, her tears falling onto his shoulder and flooding to his chest, the warmth pooling around his heart.

"You're...not so different..you know..." she whispered into his ear.

The winds picked up once more as if making sure that the only person who heard this conversation was the two people who were conversing.

"And I don't...believe...that you are that kind...of a person either...I trust that you...can change...Kai..."

And there she made her stand. She was a non-believer. And she stood up to show Kai that he was only drowning in his own self.

* * *

Kai saw her hand hovering above him as the quicksand pulled him down under. But before it swallowed him up, he grabbed her hand, and she pulled him out. She pulled him out.

And Kai Hiwatari did something he never expected to do. He reached out and held her hand.

* * *

She looked up from his shoulder and gazed at the hand holding hers. He walked away from his past. There was ample proof. Proof of him holding onto her. She was his lifeline too now, as much as he was her lifeline. She smiled at him, and for the next two seconds, she saw what she could claim as the most beautiful thing on earth.

His smile.

Gravity was working again, but this time laterally. With noses touching, their breath made fog gather up.

"Thank you Hiromi." he said.

"I'll always be there Kai, I will."

They closed the distance between them, as a sign of showing that the other will always be there. They parted their noses touching again.

" Even ice melts you know" was all she said.

Looking up at her face and into her eyes, Kai that what she said was true.

"Even ice melts" he replied, and smiled at her.


	4. The Great Die-Off

_" There's a fire on the borders - and it's burning down the walls you built high  
And there's a steady stream of anger - and it's spilling from the coasts - a tidal wave  
_ _And the world says we reap what we sow - to where I bury you I'll build my home  
_ _The nights we've reclaimed but we're sick of the wait..."_

 _"The Great Die-Off" - Rise Against_

* * *

I've dropped down. A drop of rain on the edges of a falling leaf is what I am. I remember when I used to be the bird flying a mile high up in the sky. I've been demoted, degraded and denied, lying dejected on a leaf which is as unwanted as me. Why else would the leaf be falling?

I never understood the cycle. Not for once in the entirety of time that I belonged to, which is not that long. Always thought I'd be at the top, but here I am now, a single drop that no one can see. I've burned through every stage of the way, every step leading me closer to the end, only that back then, I didn't believe that it _could_ end.

I understand now that this is a world of lies. That you and I don't have a place in it, that we never did.

Looking down, the light refracts to show me an apparent height from which I'm falling. Maybe I'm actually higher than I thought to be. Or maybe just closer to the ground. The wind picks up and the leaf curves. I'm just one, single, microscopic drop of water on the edge of a falling leaf. I can see the ground getting closer.

Closer and closer.

This is it. This is how I end, as something insignificant hitting hard against the masses.

I'm demoted.

* * *

The bullets were still raining down on them, hitting them through the gaps in their shelter. But neither of them felt pain, instead it was actually the opposite entirely. They were both smiling.

Kai looked down into her eyes, half-hidden by a curtain of chocolate brown while she too gazed back at his grey eyes. He felt her hand warming up his cheek and she rested back on his chest, snuggling her face into his neck.

 _" Nemuranai yoru ni hitori ibasho wo sagashitsudzuketeru_ _  
_ _Kiesou na hoshi ni hitotsu negai wo todokerareru made_ _  
_ _Kimi wa motto... "_ _  
_

 _(On sleepless nights, I keep searching alone_ _  
_ _Until one wish reaches a star that's about to disappear_ _  
_ _You already know )_ _  
_

She dragged on the last note and let her hand fall to his.

"Hiromi, you're singing in the middle of all this rain?" he asked her incredulously.

"Hmm.."

"It's surprising that I can even hear your voice over this noise."

"Hmm.."

"Hn.."

"Hmm.."

"And here I thought that you were talkative," he muttered. She giggled at this.

"And here I thought that _you_ were the one whose tongue was tied up."

Kai looked at her again and their eyes met. He moved away a few stray wisps of hair from her face.

"Idiot, we're stuck in the rain under a tree," he remarked.

"I know."

"Why did you _not_ bring an umbrella?"

"Glad I didn't."

"What do you mean that you're glad you forget to bring an umbrella?"

"Because...if I did bring an umbrella..."

"What," he asked her.

"If...I did...bring an umbrella..."

"What is it?" he asked annoyed.

"If...I...did...bring an...um..bre..ll..a.." she trailed off while moving her head back to only a few inches from his.

"If...I...didn't..bring an umbrella..." She saw Kai's eyes widen as she gazed back into his.

" I wouldn't be able to do this, " she said as she closed the gap between them.

They pulled back and Kai flashed another smile.

"Point made" he said while she put on a triumphant look on her face.

* * *

I'm among the voiceless millions who are parading these streets. These streets that belong to them.

 _It's not fair_ I think.

We made the plans. We gathered the resources. We carried it out to perfection. But in the end, it was also we who were separated. We started to wear colors. We stopped marching together and we marched for the colors that we adopted and the banners we held. And that's when a few of _we,_ became _them._

That's when the real rift began.

We started making our demands and they supplied us. Or at least we thought that they were supplying us. Instead they were actually hoarding what is rightfully ours, enclosing themselves in their towers and surrounding themselves by the very same people who hated them, brainwashed into believing that _we_ were wrong, and _they_ were right.

 _It's just not fair_ I think as I raise my voice out with the million surrounding me.

The sound just echoes about, reflecting off every surface. Resonating with even the highest of frequencies to produce an earthquake by itself. The earth itself trembles while the million-men-made earthquake tumbles about, sending shockwaves to pierce those towers.

Even though I am a part of this crowd, I do not believe that our earthquake can even send a quiver through those enclosures. But still, I do not voice out my opinion. Because I am just one part of a millionth. Nothing more and nothing less.

I am just one part.

He re-opened his closed eyes and gathered his surroundings. He could feel her warm breath on his neck and the gentle rise-and-fall of her shoulders while she breathed in and out.

* * *

 _I don't know what I am looking for,_ he thought, _it's just another day that has passed and gone._

He looked down to his lap, which was a cradle for both his, and her hands, enlaced with each other's.

 _I don't what I should say. Maybe... maybe I'm just spinning around my own mistake_ he thought while letting his mind wander back to a few minutes earlier.

* * *

 **()**

 _" Kai.." she said, "we have to get back home..."_

 _" I know Hiromi... I just wish that I knew how to..."_

 _" Where do you live Kai? "_

 _" Not a very nice place. " he replied a bit roughly._

 _"Oh..."_

 _" It's downtown... but it's...kind of falling apart you know..."_

 _" Kai..."_

 _"Hn ? "_

 _" You should stay at my place tonight. "_

 _" Hiromi..."_

 _"Please... I'd love if you could stay. Besides, I was out shopping for things to make dinner..."_

 _" I don't know.."_

 _"Please... "_

 _"Okay... I guess..."_

 _"Hmm..." she said as she nestled back into his neck._

 _"How are we going to get out of here? " she inquired._

 _"We'll wait a bit... the wind's dying down. If it doesn't get any better within the next fifteen minutes, we'll stay a bit longer. But not till it gets really late. "_

 _She sighed._

 _"I'm really tired out now..." she said as she wrapped her hand around his shoulders. Kai held her other hand in his._

 _Within a couple of minutes, Hiromi was sleeping peacefully while war raged all around them. Kai looked at her for a long time before closing his eyes and letting his mind wander off. Hopefully, not to the past._

 **()**

* * *

The darkness was where he went into. It was like a moth being attracted to the flame, a flame that would eventually lead to its death. But if not the dark, then where? Where was he to drift into?

 _Darkness is my only friend. In it I find companionship. I find strength._ he thought.

Fire was in his veins, and it was pouring out like a flood. Heat was building up inside his systems again. It seared and burned him, engulfing him in the flickers of its dark intentions. He was no more human. What remained was just a shell, a human figure for his inhuman mind and scarred soul. Peace was never an option.

Always the odd one out. Always in the darkness of a corner. He never knew what was light to begin with.

 _Not a surprise_ he thought.

He felt pain until pain became his pleasure. He needed it, craved for it like a child craves for love. Shortly after, pain was the only road he knew. He walked alone down that road, down a boulevard of broken dreams.

He grew accustomed to the unfairness. He accumulated the thought of hating everyone. It was just not fair that everyone got to live happy lives while he lived in the only thing he knew that gave a meaning to _his_ life. He was pushing it out to the limits. Overdriving his anger until it was a drug that he needed more than he needed to live.

And so he became addicted to his own hatred, making his addiction grow to an unimaginable extent. He became part of the darkness, his only method being his pain.

At the height of his anger, the depth of his depression and the threshold of pain. _That's_ where he belonged.

Kai was jostled out of his thoughts as Hiromi stirred in her sleep. His train of thoughts broke for a bit while he gazed down at her. He could still feel the warmth of her lips on his, and the softness of her hand through his was acted as a constant reminder of the person sitting next to him.

 _She trusts me_ he thought.

 _She really does trust me._

 _She really does._

* * *

Kai saw something impossible. He saw a light in the dark tunnel he was in, but it was far away. He had to stand up, before everything faded into grey. He had to be persevere, for her sake, he had to. He got up on his feet and for the very first time in his life, he started running towards the converging light.

* * *

"Hiromi..." he gently nudged her.

"Hiromi..."

"Kai ? "

"The winds have died down and the raining has reduced. This is the only chance we get to go home..."

She took a glance at the debris and destruction from the war around her and nodded in agreement. _Looks like the skies have signed a temporary truce_ she thought.

She stood up on shaky legs and stretched out her legs, they still felt like lead but at least she would be able to walk a bit. She picked up her bag and looked at Kai, who was gazing up at the war-beaten skies.

"Let's go" she said as she kept her gaze fixed on Kai.

He held out his hand to her.

 _The darkness has always been there for me... but this time... I'm walking into the light_ he thought as he looked at Hiromi for one more time before stepping out of their shelter. The drops of rain left behind fell on them, but the two of them didn't let that stop them. Not at all.

And atthe count of three, Hiromi and Kai ran off into the world laid out before them.

* * *

Have you ever looked at the rain through a glass? Most people just don't see it. Their too caught up with trying to escape from the rain to actually stop and marvel at the beauty of this natural phenomenon.

I wear glasses, so I've actually seen rain through them. It's sometimes make believe. Almost unreal, but the raindrops hitting my face gives me enough proof to believe that it _is_ real.

It's all blurred sometimes and I can't see a thing. The water drops actually refract light so I see the world in a totally different light. It's like the light rays falling onto my eyes have been completely reconfigured to create something beautiful out of the cold. I rarely admit anything but for what it's worth, the rain is just so damn beautiful.

I sometimes walk alone in the rain, just so that I can feel that feeling alone, all by myself. I feel like the rain belongs to me, and only me.

At a time like this, I remember her smile.

And I smile back at her.

* * *

Kai and Hiromi were running as fast as their legs would carry them. Once in a while they would stop to catch their breaths. After covering some distance, they had made their way towards a bench on the outskirts of the park. She sat down while Kai leaned on the bench.

He saw that a drop of water was making its way down a wisp of chocolate brown. He gazed at the drop hanging down her hair, almost about to fall.

It fell.

Kai looked at her to see that she was gazing right back at him. Needless to say, she was beautiful. Even with a mop of darkened chocolate brown drooping down her forehead and mud on her arms and legs, she still was beautiful.

Kai thought that she was quite natural in that way. She had a beauty that you could neither describe, nor take away from her. Kai was mesmerized by her.

"You really are beautiful, " he told her. She blushed and looked down while her lips tugged at the corners of a never fading smile.

"Come on, " he urged her. "We're half-way there."

And with that they continued their journey once more.

* * *

This time both of them were too weary to run, so they walked instead. Hand in hand while their shoulders kept brushing, they walked. Both of their hands were wet but friction seemed to be working in its opposite mechanism for their hands. The more slippery they got, the more tighter their grip was, as if symbolizing that neither of them would slip away from the other. They'd always be there for each other.

Every time their shoulders brushed against each other's they felt a warmth growing in them. It just grew and grew until they were both quite oblivious to the cold.

Funny isn't it? How do we all find warmth in the coldest of situations ?

* * *

Black tar and smoke filled skies are where we belong to. Where are insecurities have overruled our sense of common understanding until we can't separate between our misconception and the reality playing right in front of our eyes.

All of us are just drones running on the fuel that we fight over while the world just keeps on groaning under the weight of each and every one of us. We're millions of voiceless, earless, eyeless, heartless and brainless machines. Dumb. Deaf. Blind. Stone cold.

In the end, it's really not about whether you're just a part of a million or the million itself. It just matters about what you did and what you felt. While we cut down our forests and plunder oil, somewhere far off, some guy sits and cuts down and plunders the humane qualities we have. The world is just decaying away and cracking through, one part at a time.

I dreamt about this entire thing once. But in the opposite direction.

I dreamt that the world was just a ball of concrete and black tar. No buildings, no people. Nothing. Just a layer of tar and concrete. And I dreamt about a single sapling breaking through that layer and sprouting up, as if symbolizing that in the end, it was the part of the million that broke free.

I dreamt of trees.

* * *

They stopped again, by a bridge this time. This would be their last stop. Hiromi's house was just around the corner but they were just too tired to walk some more. Hiromi and Kai were both leaning on the railing for support.

"Hiromi...just...a bit...more..." he said while gasping for air.

Hiromi on the other hand was just too tired to speak and she just nodded. They were both looking out towards the stream of water thundering down below them.

"Water...usually...cleans things..." she panted.

"I know..."

"But even water...can make things...dirty..." she said regaining a bit of her composure.

"No..."

Looking down, you had to agree with her. But Kai didn't. Because she was water to him. She cleaned him off of his guilt. She distilled his anger and depression. She was the universal solvent that was able to dissolve the highly insoluble Kai. She was pure as water. And Kai believed that with every fiber in his body.

"I don't believe that..." he said.

They looked at each other and locked eyes.

"I understand..." she said after some time.

After staying in silence for about a minute more, the two braced themselves for the final stretch of their journey. And then they set off. Together.

* * *

So what if I _am_ just a drop of water? So what if I'm just a _part_ of something big? Maybe that's how everything really is. Maybe being a raindrop has actually broadened my view. I look down at the apparent distance closing in and I think to myself, _I'm not falling, I'm flying. I'm descending._

I feel like I've just been promoted.

* * *

They stumbled into her house and slumped against the walls of the corridor. She put down her bag and wrapped her arms around him while he too held her like she was his lifeline. Because maybe she _was_ his lifeline.

That one single thought broke through the millions of memories he wished that he never had, and it settled down permanently.

"Thank you Kai..." she managed.

"No," he said, " I should thank you Hiromi...for everything...for being there..."

And then they pulled into another kiss. They held hands as they made their way down the corridor. They survived this storm together. And that was the only thing that was important. That they survived this, together.


	5. The Black Market

_"_ _This ink, it travels from the page - up my hand and to my veins  
Choking on those stories I've told - if there are words here left to say  
I just want to let you know_

 _I'm falling on my knees right now - I'm covered in the mess I made  
These colors used to wash right out - but now they are a part of me  
And I've been searching for a remedy - when all along it's been in front of me  
I need you here, I need you now - right now …."_

 _"_ _The Black Market" – Rise Against_

* * *

Do you remember soap bubbles? Do you remember laughing at the colors refracting through the transparent walls of the soap bubbles you blew while running around shouting in glee? Don't you remember how fun it was to just sit down on a warm, sunny day and just blow bubbles? Do you remember how you ran to catch a bubble before it hits the ground or evaporates into the atmosphere?

I don't.

I try hard to think about it but, I just can't remember a time that I used to be that childish. Looking at my face in the mirror, I really can't imagine it. _There might have been a time_ , I think to myself. _There must have._

But nonetheless, it really is hard to see myself running about smiling, chasing soap bubbles. Maybe there was a time that life was so simplistic. Maybe there was a time that I ran around chasing soap bubbles and laughing at the colors.

I look at myself again, and doubt overcomes my thoughts.

"Chasing bubbles? Hn, as if…"

But then again I must have had a time like that. You don't grow overnight.

Or do you?

Looking at the few photographs I have of my family and friends, I see that everyone is indeed chasing something. But exactly what are we chasing?

* * *

He looked down the corridor towards Hiromi, who beckoned him to follow. He was leaning against the wall, looking into her eyes, analyzing the cryptic puzzle within them.

"Are you going to stand there all day ?"

"Hn. I'll come. "

He looked up at the ceiling for a moment and then shifted from his position. He started to walk down the corridor towards her. He took his time walking, measuring every step he took forward. Precision was something he admired.

* * *

 _What am I even doing here?_ he thought.

 _Why am I to follow her? Where am I following her to?_

He felt the walls closing around him, boxing him in an enclosure of solid walls, thick and tough. He felt claustrophobic. He felt like he was feverish. He felt the sudden pulling of the world tied at his feet like an anchor, urging him to sink to the bottom of the ocean.

 _How did I get myself into this? Why did I help her? Why?_ _Doesn't she know what kind of a person I am? Why is she waiting for me? I don't wait for anyone. Never did, never will. She knows that fact, so why is she still here? Why am I still here?_

 _Why am I here?_

* * *

I felt the wind all around me, picking me up and flinging me in to the unknown abyss. I felt like falling, dissolving in to the darkness, the very same darkness that I was accustomed to. The wind was screaming about me but I didn't make a sound, not a single one.

I remember that I used to scream when I fell. But now, it's just a habit. Falling is just a habit now.

 _"Don't fall, just descend..."_ was what she said. And I try my best to believe it. I really do. But what she doesn't understand is that it can all get to me sometimes in ways that I could never imagine.

 _"Don't fall..."_

* * *

Hiromi was confused.

 _What's taking him so long?_

She looked at his face and tried to understand. It was complex, she felt like the ant Deadalus used to string an intricate maze that she read about. Kai was a bit too tough to figure out. But she did figure him out.

 _Or didn't I?_ She thought.

It all came to her in a flash. Kai wasn't slow, he was being resistive. It was like viscosity. He was resisting it all, internally. Looking at his facial expression she realized that he was fighting. But her problem was, _what_ was he fighting ?

* * *

When we are at the edge of compromise, at the blade of our life everyday sometimes we feel like just fighting back. When we're standing on the rooftops, ready to fall is when we start to resist everything else.

Everyone is following something. Some kind of thing that we try to define, that we try to grasp in our minds but fail. Miserably. Did we ever think about what we're leaving behind, or whether the doors will still be unlocked for us when we're back?

We've exchanged a currency of heartache and sorrow, traded misery like diamonds and gold and for what exactly? What is the purpose of our very existence?

Look at yourself in the mirror and ask that question from yourself. _Why do you exist?_

* * *

Kai stared at the pool of coffee swirling about in his cup. The warmth awoke his fatigued senses. Hiromi was at the counter making herself a cup. She came back and sat down next to him a few moments later. She smelled the coffee in her hand and sighed contentedly.

"I love the smell of coffee…" she explained.

"Hn…"

They took a gulp from their cups and breathed out. The warmth coursed through them, wakening up every nerve end that was sleeping.

Hiromi clinked her cup against his.

"We made it…we really did…"

"Hn…"

"Going back to being your usual self are you? "

"No…"

"Then? "

"Never expected things to happen this way…."

"Meaning? "

Kai held her hand.

"Meaning this…"

A moment of silence passed through them. It was only for a few seconds but the two felt like an eternity swept by. They locked gazes, unsure of what to say.

She was scared of what he would say. He was scared of what she would reply to it. So they were basically caught up in a state where they were struck by the sheer force of their fears, separated by an invisible barrier.

* * *

Do you know that the pressure difference inside a soap bubble is twice the amount of the pressure difference inside a normal water drop?

Well it is. But I don't know why.

Maybe it's because the bubble is made of soap. Maybe it's because of the surface tension. Maybe some other explanation can be given by science. Maybe I already have the answer with me, but I can't pin it as the answer to this specific question. Maybe I'm using the concept "maybe" a little too much. Perhaps it displays how I am; on the fence. Undecided of whether to go forward, or backwards.

Truth be told, I just want to stay in the exact same place as I am. Never-changing. Constant. I just want time to stop right here, right now. But then again, I'm unsure of that too.

Maybe.

* * *

Their gazes intensified. Despite the coffee, their nervous systems were breaking down. At a standstill. A trace of worry flickered through her eyes while one of acceptance was forming through his.

 _Maybe this is what's best, for you and for me,_ he thought. He saw a tear starting to form at the edges of her eyes. He wanted to say something, he really did, but words never came to him and expressing his emotions wasn't his forte.

Finally, after searching through his entire vocabulary and without having a single word left to suit the situation, he what she least expected him to do at this moment.

He smiled.

* * *

She felt the oxygen return to her lungs. Her system was on overdrive. Her thoughts were squeezing through a narrow tunnel and into her sub-consciousness. She looked down.

 _I thought he was regressing back to his former self,_ she thought, _I thought that I lost him again, forever this time._

She tightened her grasp on his hand and breathed out. She held back the tear that almost fell from her eyes, and looked up to see his smile flicker back and dread forming in his eyes. She didn't let that happen for too long. She quickly smiled back at him and leaned towards him, gently placing a kiss on his cheeks.

And now it was Kai's turn to sigh in relief.

"I thought that…."

"I know…" he said, interrupting her.

"For a minute…I started to second guess what I was doing….like…going back to….my old self…" he explained to her, "I was….I wasn't sure whether I wanted to step into the light….or to dissolve into the shadows again…"

"Kai…you've got to stop thinking about the past….before it _does_ dissolve you…" she said patiently.

"I know Hiromi…I know….but do I really let go of it all? "

"No…"

Kai, who was usually prepared for anything, was put off by her reply. He thought that she would be the first one to force him to forget his past, but actually, she wants him to stay with it. It was really confusing Kai.

"What…"

"I'm not telling you to entirely forget your past Kai….you can't forget it…and you shouldn't…."

He looked at her, his confusion now doubled. She didn't stop talking.

"If you forget your past… the entire journey you've had…everything that leads up to this exact moment will be for nothing…your past gave you a reason to stand up…gave you a reason to go on….don't lose that….just don't think about the darkness of your past…."

"I'm confused.." he replied.

"I might not be making perfect sense…" she admitted. They locked gazes again, trying to communicate telepathically, their thoughts intertwined with the others.

"This is going to take some time to understand…" he said.

* * *

We're all embedded into one big loop. A loop that keeps on spinning around an axis that is neither definable to us, nor available for us to change. It's like a cycle, but so different at the same time.

The philosophers tried to describe it, the cynics tried to catch it in their thoughts, the politicians tried to control it and the scientists tried to modify it. But what have _we_ done?

We've tried to understand it, but no one has actually succeeded in doing so.

* * *

"Yes… it will… " she replied. He tried to sense a meaning underlying in her words, but found none. She literally meant it.

"All I'm saying is that you don't have to drag yourself into the darkness Kai… and if you do feel like you're slipping away…. You're not going to be alone…"

"I know Hiromi… I decided to walk into the light…. that's why I'm here…right here…right now….but….it's going to take some time to get used to the light you know…"

* * *

I was falling, but still I felt like a feather floating down towards the ground, carried by a warm and gentle breeze. The darkness had burned out. I opened my eyes and stared back at hers. She tapped the edge of my nose with her index finger before closing my eyelids. I opened them back.

"Do you ever wonder how the world works?" I asked her.

"I thought we already had this discussion…."

"Maybe…"

"Ah… your favorite word…" she said while smiling. I felt my heart racing as the warmth gathered around my cheeks.

"Hn…"

"You always were the talkative type weren't you? " she said, sarcasm dripping from her words.

"Hn…"

"Okay… I think that the world is decaying, and so are we…but when so much is at stake… everyone just keeps dying, fading away into nothing... but no one does anything about it...do you really think that it's worth fighting for…"

"Maybe…"

A moment of silence flittered between us. I felt like saying something but I guessed that it was rather stupid. But in the end I opted for voicing it out.

"Do you remember soap bubbles? "

* * *

Kai felt the warmth of her embrace, as she held on to him. She said that she'll try her best to understand. And maybe she will. He felt a smile tug at his lips. He was feeling something other than pain, anger or depression. He felt happy.

* * *

 **First of all, I want to thank Az23bv, Indigo Jupiter, Saiyan Phoenix, Soumita, AlishaUpAndOut and everyone else who reviewed this and held on for so long. Thank you and I really appreciate it guys! Second, I want to apologize for the time it took to follow up to this chapter, and for how it turned out. I was really busy with some "stuff" (activists, busy as hell) and I wrote half of this chapter and aimed for a really good-feeling type of thing but ended up making it all angst-filled and negative. Not to mention confusing.**

 **But things are back to normal (in my scale of normal that is) and I can now write again in my free time. I won't make another crappy chapter, promise. :) So hold on some more folks, GenrexLP's gonna write...**

 **Till then** **!**


	6. Tragedy Time

_"Nothing matters but the pain when you're all alone_

 _The never ending nights when you're awake - when you're praying that tomorrow it's OK  
There will be the time to crack another smile - maybe not today or for a while  
But we're holding on to laugh again someday_

 _Nothing matters when the pain is all but gone - when you are finally awake  
Despite the overwhelming odds, tomorrow came  
And when they see you crack a smile - and you decide to stay a while  
You'll be ready then, to laugh again..."_

 _"Tragedy + Time" - Rise Against_

* * *

It's like I'm waterlogged. All the colors and shapes are coming to me slowly, in bits and pieces, like remembering a story, but the difference is that I'm piecing it all up slowly, one random piece at a time.

I remember when I used to paint as a kid. I had this completely blank sheet sprawled out before me. I remember just staring at the blank sheet for a very long time, not because I couldn't draw. But because I didn't _want_ to draw.

I just wanted to admire the blank sheet, because it was beautiful like that. Blank, white and completely clean. Time passed by and I remember dipping my brush into a container and very slowly, drawing. I remember that my picture was perfect, as everything I did was. The outline was accurate and neat, not a single unwanted distortion. But, I was scared. I may have been perfect at drawing the outline, but I always messed up the paint and the background.

I remember hesitating, whether to color it in, or just leave it like that.

I remember dipping my brush again.

I also remember ripping up the paper and throwing it away.

* * *

Locked in her embrace, Kai wouldn't have minded even if the entire world collapsed about them. He just let the background dissolve and focused on her warmth, the only form of light he knew.

 _Strange isn't it,_ he thought, _At one moment I want the time to race on so fast, that I'm standing still, and at another moment I want time to stand still._

He felt her tighten her grip on him, burying his face in a curtain of chocolate brown while his own gray fell on to her face.

 _This time, it looks like I want the time to stand still._

Outside, the typhoon had started to pick up again, indicating signs that the war will rage on for some more time. A rumble rolled through the clouds, emanating from the deepest trenches and echoing off the lightest clouds, resonating through a never ending chamber called the sky.

Yes, war is back.

Slowly and gently, Hiromi pulled away from Kai as time settled down on them. She looked at him, his lips curled in the slightest of smiles, his eyes alight with a glow she had never seen before. She was happy that he was happy. She was happy that he maneuvered the curve that approached him.

She got up as the clock chimed the end of another hour in this timeless world that is bound into a frame of time.

"I need to make dinner."

"Hn... I'll help you."

"Hmm..."

"Hn..."

"Hmm..."

"You know what, maybe words are better than sounds. "

To this, she laughed and was soon joined by Kai, who for once didn't feel his face hurting when he laughed. And thus the house was filled with the laughter of the two of them.

* * *

Do you think about the weather? Do you pay attention to the clouds drifting by, the color and the shape? The relativity rushing by you with a gust of wind, picking you up and flinging your consciousness into the great expanses lying beyond our conception? Ever notice the cracks in the mud-caked lakes that symbolizes the water being sucked out of the soil, drop by drop?

Well _that_ is the weather.

Not some news-anchor stating the fact that the wind will be strong, or that the rains will be heavy. You don't state the weather. You need to experience it. You need to notice the warmth of the sun, the freedom of the wind, the awakening of the rain and the drift of the clouds, shimmering in the color palette, ever-changing.

Do you know that our emotions too are affected by the weather.

Ever stood by that person and felt the air between the two of you heat up? Ever noticed how pure that smile was as you danced in the rain? Ever realized how free you felt as the wind rustled through your hair, that person's hair?

Well, maybe you should just stick to the weatherman.

* * *

She was humming. He didn't recognize the tune though, not one of his strong areas. The storm was picking up again, although it felt like ages since the two of them were running through the rain.

Dry, warm and filled up with a lasting sense of joy, Hiromi looked at Kai, who was cutting vegetables carefully.

 _A bit too carefully,_ she thought.

"Kai," she spoke out, "do you need some help with that?"

"I'm fine." he muttered.

"Just don't cut your fingers right?"

"Hn..."

And with that they went back to working. She observed Kai and smiled. Here she was, with the human ice-block, in her kitchen making dinner. He looked up and caught her staring at him. They locked gazes, and then smiled.

* * *

"Hey! Wait up!" she yelled out.

"Catch up will ya!" I shouted back.

We were running around the park. _This_ specific park. I remember coming here as a kid, as a child.

"Let's take a break!"

I stopped and turned around, only to be being hit by a bouncing load of happiness. She panted and gasped for air while smiling into my chest, which was rising and falling like I just

ran a marathon.

We broke off and stared at the jingle coming towards us. Looking at each other, we burst out laughing and started running towards the sound. A few minutes later we sprawled out on the grass and I opened my hands.

She started blowing bubbles and we watched them fly up into the sky, blown away by the breeze.

"You know," she said, "my theory says that within every overjoyed child, a serious faced adult is there...and it works in the opposite direction too."

"Maybe..."

"You and your maybes..."

"Okay, okay, I'll admit that your theory is true..."

We looked at each other and smiled. I looked up to the skies and realized that the world had never felt as large as this.

* * *

They had their dinner, mostly in silence, as they were too hungry to interrupt each other. Filled, they made their way to the living room where Kai found a liking for the sofa. He closed his eyes and listened to the conversation Hiromi was having on the phone. He kept them shut until she came and sat down next to him.

"My parents won't be here till the weekend." she stated.

"Hn..."

"Hey, do you want to listen to something?" she asked.

"I don't mind..."

Hiromi got up and turned on the radio. It was funny. While everywhere in the world people preferred MP3's and digital downloads, Hiromi liked the old-fashioned radio. It reminded her of the old times and the stories that her Grandmother had told her.

She turned the channels until the airwaves picked up the right frequency and she felt her heart skip a beat when she heard the song that was playing.

"I love this song..." she told Kai with a smile on her face.

 _"Come down...and waste away with me...down with me..._

 _Slow how...you wanted it to be...over my head...I'm out of my head she sang..."_

Hiromi joined in on the song.

 _"And I wonder...when I sing along with you..."_

 _"If everything could be this real forever..._

 _If anything could ever be this good again..._

 _Only thing I ever ask from you..._

 _You gotta promise not to stop when I sing... she sang..."_

Kai was caught up in the airwaves, her voice mesmerizingly attached to the song on the radio, superimposed to create a frequency that made his heart jump. He loved her voice. He loved how it just melted with the words, creating a soundtrack that lulled him into a state of calm.

She looked at him and caught him staring at her this time. Blushing, she looked away.

"Hiromi, please sing..."

* * *

The air that we breathe, how do you really know if it's pure air?

Maybe it's the fumes of a far off industry, silently and slowing choking you, each breath a step closer to your own demise.

Maybe it's the final breath of a dying man, his soul trapped inside that breath, each inhalation erasing the last trail of his existence on this world.

Maybe it's the air of a desperation you would never be able to recognize, a breath laced with despair and filled with the strength to go on, each breath making you stronger, giving you reason by reason to stand up.

Whatever it is, what we breathe isn't just purely air. Not in that sense. No.

* * *

Hiromi opened her eyes after closing them and dragging the last notes of yet another song she loved. Kai was swept away into a world that Hiromi sang of. A world where there's a place for him and Hiromi, where no one is looking, where they've got themselves and where she's the reason that he keeps his head held up high.

The clock dragged him back to reality. Kai counted ten chimes.

"Hiromi..." he began.

"Hiromi...I think I have to go...it has gotten really late you know..."

She looked at him. She didn't want him to leave. He didn't want to go either. They were both locked down in a standoff.

"Kai...stay over...please..."

* * *

The patter of the rain broke the silence that drifted between them. Hiromi's lips curved into a little smile. It seems that the weather assured her request.

"Don't have much of a choice, do I?" Kai asked.

The crackle of lightning shattered and Hiromi, was the first time in her life, was glad that lightning broke through.

"No," she smiled, "I don't think so..."

* * *

"This...is my room..." Hiromi stated while flourishing her hands and presenting the slightly messy space.

"It's pink..."

"Why yes...I _am_ a girl..."

Kai didn't see anything extraordinary about her room, except for the fact that there was a balcony attached to her room and the doors leading to it were made entirely of glass, serving as a huge window to the outside world. He could quite easily see the clouds and the far off streak of lightning flashing through the skies.

She leaned her head against his shoulder and breathed out.

 _"Breathe out... so I can breathe you in...hold you now..."_

"I love your voice" Kai murmured.

She looked up and smiled at him. They broke off laughing.

* * *

Paranoia rattled him like the thunder rattled the windows. He was being swallowed up, piece by piece, being dragged into the darkness. The dark skies around them, displayed through the windows, the tremors of the lightning flashing through, calling out his name. He wanted to answer that call, to drift off into the darkness of the past. He opened his eyes to her voice.

"Kai..."

"Kai..." Hiromi repeated, trying to get his attention.

"Kai...you should sleep..."

"Can't." was his flat response. He rushed it out, like the Oxygen was being vacuumed right out of his lungs.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Can't"

"We've had a long day Kai...you should really get some sleep..."

"Can't"

A moment of silence flitted by, the only sounds being the occasional growl of thunder, being followed by the rattles of the windows.

"Okay...I've had enough with the single word answers." she stuck her chin in defiance at Kai.

"Care to explain?"

"Well..."

"I'm waiting..."

"It's kind of a long story..."

"We've got all night..."

Kai sighed in defeat before starting out.

" Don't laugh...but...it's like I'm...you know...scared...to sleep..." He searched her face for even the slightest trace of amusement but found only the concern etched in her eyes.

"I have really...really bad dreams..."

She didn't say anything, but sat up on the bed and crossed her legs. She reached out to hold his hand and he too sat up like her. They just sat there and waited. Kai thought that she was rocking back and forth while sitting, but he dismissed it thinking that maybe it was a trick of the light.

She started to whisper something, he thought that he recognized it somewhere. He searched his brain, racking through every nerve fiber. The voice in his head was screaming that he knew the answer. He really did.

Then, with a flash of lightning, the answer came to him.

 _She's singing a lullaby,_ he thought, _the same one that my mother used to sing to me..._

* * *

Have you ever thought about the repetitive cycle that we all go through each and every day of our lives? Ever wondered why it feels so monotonous? Do you ever think that there is something that is just not right? Something that doesn't fit in, add up to the equation? Something that maybe you're not doing right?

Do you have a voice inside your head that agrees with your disagreement, rages at your income and beams at your loss? Does that voice speak to you in such a way, that sometimes it sends a chill up your spine?

Well maybe _that_ is what we're doing wrong.

Maybe it's a part of us that exists as a remainder from all of the conflicts we faced and are facing. Maybe it's a trigger for the conflicts that we will be facing.

We are born - to this world, to what we conceptualize as our background in the same way, we grow up - in this world, in somewhere that we believe that is molding us and preparing us to face - this world, for a world that _we_ believe to be spinning around our own heads. But somewhere down the road we realize that nothing we believed in was real. And that's when that voice speaks up for the first time, growing louder and louder as our realization grows.

The voice starts to scream once you've realized that the world doesn't spin around you, but you are spinning _about_ it.

* * *

He tensed up as he felt her rest her head on his chest, repetitively moving up and down as if pumping the air out of his lungs instead of in. He remembered what she said before going to sleep.

 _" Tomorrow will come Kai. It really will."_

Those words haunted him. He knew that they would haunt him forever, as if his tomorrow was something he'd never see. Or maybe he really didn't see it before. Looking around the room, blended in the darkness, her soft breath on his chest resonating with his own heart beat, he really did see it.

 _Tomorrow will come,_ he thought, before fading off into sleep.

* * *

 **I want to thank the Foo Fighters, for "Everlong", which became "our" song. And of course, to all of you out there who waited everlong for this chapter.**


	7. Awake Too Long

**Okay, for starters, you might be wondering why this story is T- rated. Well, it's because of this chapter. I kind of knew that a chapter like this one would be coming up, henceforth, the rating. Spoiler alert: contains a bit of swearing, implications of certain activities, mental trauma, a dash of violence etc. etc. (the usual T-rated stuff I guess). Also, I was REALLY depressed and pissed when I wrote this, so you can expect that attitude in the story. Now that that's over, read on reader.**

* * *

 _" I've seen the eyes of the widows left behind - I've seen the child of the fallen man_

 _And never once did our leaders apologize - for battles they began..._

 _Maybe I would dream if I could sleep - Maybe I'd see what this could be_

 _Instead of what it is_

 _And is there bliss in ignorance - Is this our demise that we can't prevent_

 _Should we fall asleep?..._

 _I've been awake too long..."_

 _-"Awake Too Long" - Rise Against_

* * *

A spark of white illuminated everything for a split second. The luminescence faded out as soon as it began, plunging everything into darkness. A low rumble spread through the skies.

Another spark burst out, this time lasting longer, followed by a rumble that shook the windows.

Kai woke up with a start. He didn't realize it yet but he was panting, gasping and sucking in precious air. He collapsed back on the bed and touched his forehead. He found out that he was sweating. He shifted his gaze to Hiromi who, despite the storm, was sleeping peacefully next to him.

He breathed out a ragged breath, his lungs brushing uncomfortably by his ribcage. He felt like he was taking his last breath. He shut his eyes tightly and tried to concentrate, to place things in the right place.

He cursed out aloud as a picture flittered through his head. He opened his eyes and looked back at Hiromi, reaching out to hold her hand. He let go of her hand and tried to breathe.

He closed his eyes only to have the same picture in his mind again. Except now the picture was progressing from one scene to another. He heard the voices calling him. He was drowning.

* * *

Fear. Do you know that the bravest people are also the biggest cowards? Contradiction isn't it? Well I'm afraid that it isn't so.

When you get used to being scared, nothing much can surprise you or scare you in a "different" way. You're just scared and used to it. But what if you've always been brave? What if the right-minded you, make a mistake? Then, no matter how small that mistake is, you see it as the end of you. You begin to fear it beyond anything else. That fear grips you and keeps a hold on you like a vice. Never letting you escape its jaws, preying on your very sanity.

That fear is what eats you up.

* * *

 _I'm running. Hiromi's right behind me. My feet are killing me, but I still have to run, for her sake. I see the end of our journey approaching, step by step._

 _I look over my shoulder to see that its gaining on us. Each step we take is a distance that it covers with twice the speed as we are running. I try to scream but my voice has been stolen from me. I want to tell Hiromi that everything is going to turn out all right, but I can't. I'm deaf. Even sound has been robbed from me. Oblivious to what Hiromi might be saying, the only sensations that I feel are the constant grip of her hand on mine, the never-ending throb in my legs and the sight of our destination._

 _We stumble._

 _All of a sudden, sound returns to me. Only to be robbed again by the ear shattering scream that erupted from Hiromi's mouth as it converges on us. I pull her back up and we start running again. For a moment, I'm happy that Hiromi isn't going through what I am. I push the thought aside and keep going._

 _I glance back and see that it has changed its shape. Ever-changing, never- ending. Endless, nameless. It's blinding to look at._

 _I turn my head to see Hiromi pointing at something. I see it. I'll be damned if I don't. We're here. And I look back, only to find that it's gone. Come to think of it, I can't even remember what it was._

 _A whistle blows in the distance, meaning that I can hear again._

 _"Hiromi..." I start, "Hiromi..."_

 _"Shh... it's not over yet Kai... it's not over..."_

 _I wrap her in my embrace and our lips meet, and the moment freezes for an eternity._

 _The whistle blows again._

 _"I have to go Kai... I have to..."_

 _"No... don't..."_

 _I pull her in for another kiss. The feeling lingers in the air for a while, hovering in the space between us, filling it up like a layer of...something. Yeah...a layer of something. Only...that something was being swept away...filtered away by the wind..._

 _The wind warped us and she shivered in my arms. I felt the cold run down my spine, like the coldest winter chill...it was heaven beside her...but hell within. I pulled her in for another kiss. I couldn't stop wanting to hold her forever._

 _The whistle blew once more, impatient. All of a sudden Hiromi wasn't with me. She was aboard the train. We locked eyes and she smiled, a sad smile I noted._

 _"I love you Kai...forever..." I heard her whisper. I tried to speak but I couldn't. Fate had cruelly robbed me again._

 _The train jolted and the whistle sounded once more. All of a sudden I saw a ball of light heading towards the train on a crash course. A little too late, I realized that the light was it. I raced towards the train, only to find out that I was cemented on to the spot._

 _I saw my mother hold Hiromi's hand while my father gently put a hand on her shoulder. The train gained speed as a I saw the tears gathering in her eyes._

 _A flash of white was all I remembered as the darkness engulfed me once again._

* * *

Kai opened his eyes again. He wanted to get that picture out of his damn head. He wanted it out. Her scream echoed through his head, surreal and definitive.

 _I saw her walk away,_ he thought.

 _I saw it._

He got up and went to the bathroom. Dousing his face with water, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He slammed his fist on the sink, trying to gather his breathing. He looked back at Hiromi who was mumbling some incoherent babble in her dreams.

He looked back at his eyes, reflected off the mirror. He saw only one thing in them.

Insecurity.

* * *

 _Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself on me, against my will I am standing, staring at my reflection. Arrogance has spoken to me, ignorance has broken me. I can't count the seconds I've felt passing by me, ticking away my life._

Looking at my hands, I see the damage done. My usually rock steady hands are shaking as if I've submerged them into a bucket of ice.

 _Pain. I have never failed to feel pain._

Kai now understood what it was. It was the darkness, disguised as the light. A light bright enough to rob him of his senses.

He looked back at Hiromi.

 _My darkness...cannot... will not... let it consume her..._

He splashed some water on his face again.

"I won't let it happen." he said to his reflection in the mirror.

* * *

"You look sick," she said, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Nothing had become my number one reply to everything. It had also become my number one solution.

"Do you really think that I can't tell it when you're lying?"

She held my hand and put an arm around my shoulder. I looked at her. Over the past few months, we've grown quite close and I trusted her with everything, but I wasn't sure about this.

"What?"

"I didn't get any sleep. That's all."

"Oh, and what was so important that kept you awake? "

"Nothing." I lied again. Truth was there was something. Something big.

But then again, I don't think that I can admit to her that I was scared. Not a chance.

* * *

Kai crawled back to bed. He breathed in, and out. In, and out. In, and out until he was breathing at a normal rate once more. He wanted to sleep. e just wanted to close his eyes and not to drift anywhere. He caught his breath as Hiromi draped her arm around him.

"Kai..." she muttered in her sleep. He gazed at her and wished that this lasted forever.

"If only things could ever be this way forever..." he whispered to the ceiling.

He closed his eyes once more and let his breathing slow down to match hers, synchronized to the beating of her heart. And then he drifted off to sleep once more.

* * *

 _He couldn't see. Not a thing. He was shrouded by the mist. When he opened his eyes he saw everything blurred, as if he was looking at the world from the depths of water, as above yet so below. He closed his eyes, stopped his struggling and floated to the surface. He filled his lungs with air and let it all out...the mist faded out bit by bit._

 _He was alone, in a barren wasteland. Nothing grew except the occasional weed. He walked. He had nothing else to do but to walk, and that's what he did. He walked until his legs gave way and he fell to the ground, collapsing in his own fatigue. He closed his eyes._

 _He felt a rumbling in the earth. Opening his eyes, he saw a flower. A single flower in this wasteland. He wrapped his hand around its stem and pulled it until he felt the roots separating from the earth._

 _He held the flower in his hand and thought that he could take care of it for as long as he walked in this forsaken land. But it was too late. The petals dried in his hands and fell off. With haste he pushed the flower back into the dirt, two petals still hanging on it stalk._

 _He looked at the flower and willed it to bloom again. He coughed up his own spit and poured in on to the ground. There was no water, and he was choking. He felt his eyelids begin to droop. He fell down on his knees again but he was awake to see a miracle._

 _The flower had bloomed again._

* * *

Kai woke up again, but this time, it was because Hiromi woke him up. Kai looked at her eyes, wide and reflecting her fear. Another rumble passed overhead and she cowered into him.

"Hey..." he said.

"I hate this..." she stated.

"Don't worry Hiromi... I'm not leaving you...right...don't worry..."

"I'm scared..."

Kai looked into her eyes again and felt himself falling headlong into those auburn pools. He caught himself hanging on the edge.

"It's just a storm...it'll pass..."

"Really? "

"Yeah...things always pass...bad things always pass..." he felt like he was teaching a little kid. Seeing how Hiromi was scared of storms he felt a smile creeping up his lips. He chuckled.

"What's so funny? " she demanded.

"No...nothing..."

"Tell me..." she said, exasperated. A smile was making its way onto her face as well.

"If you're so scared of storms...then why are you smiling?"

Hiromi felt herself blush at this. Wanting to say something sarcastically smart, she decided not to say anything at all and resolved to wrapping her arms around him again and resting her head on his shoulder.

"Hn..." he stated.

* * *

An hour or two passed. The storm was still raging on, but a bit softer than before. Kai thought about the hour that he spent talking with Hiromi, telling her that she shouldn't get scared, and that everything will be fine. _Actually_ he thought, _nothing is fine. Never was._

He looked at her face, illuminated by the glow of lightning. She radiated a purity he couldn't describe. He basked in her afterglow, just waiting to be swallowed by it. _She looks so calm and peaceful_ he thought.

But Kai realized things that Hiromi just didn't. She didn't see the world the way he saw it. And because of that, he lied to her. He had to.

 _Nothing is fine Hiromi. Never was. Never will be._

* * *

If you were to look into my eyes, you'd see the addict that I've become. It's that clear. My hair is wild, my face is contorted in a permanent scowl, my eyes bloodshot. There's lines etched in my face that shouldn't exist. My face looks old. Way too old for my age.

Have you ever felt like a flood is pouring out of your veins? A massive and uncontrollable flood just consuming you and churning you about, spitting you out hard against the rocks. Well I have. I actually enjoyed drowning. I didn't need to breathe. I hated swimming against the currents. I just wanted to swallow the water, let in all in. I just wanted to be dragged down under, to the depths of my own depression.

Sometimes I'd laugh at the pain, no specific reason why. Maybe it's because I wanted to. I hate my reflection. I want to shoot the damn mirror each time I stepped in front of it. I've just had enough of looking back into those eyes. It mirrored the distrust, the pain and the anger. It mirrored how I looked at the world.

It was like bleached. Black and white maybe, with more of the black. I stopped talking to people long time back. I remember reading somewhere that "the first thing the dead do when they die is to lose their voice," and that "sometimes we can talk ourselves into living." It's true though. I feel dead. I know I'll be dead soon anyway. Things would spiral to that.

 _Ha,_ I thought, _I WANT to go there, don't I?_

I was sick of myself. Sick and tired. But what the hell was I supposed to do? I didn't talk. Never knew how. Wasn't taught how.

I loaded up again.

* * *

Kai gripped Hiromi's hand tighter. She mumbled in her sleep. He couldn't get back to sleep. The pictures were still haunting him. Clawing at his skin, making it feel like his skin was being peeled away, layer by layer.

He needed this to end. He needed to just kill the pain. But would it ever die off? Or will cease only when his existence ceases? Will the pain cause him to crumble into a pile of ashes? Kai wondered whether he would ever get some peace.

 _But then again,_ he thought, _this WAS quite peaceful._ He looked at Hiromi's face.

 _Yeah,_ he decided, _this is peaceful._

* * *

If you wanted to see blood, you know where you should visit? The library. Simple as that. Just go to the library. You'll see the real war there. Why? Because fighting a war is hard, but writing about its aftermath is even harder. There's more destruction, chaos and bloodshed in the pages of History than there ever was in the real battlefield.

Sometimes I think that I'm selfish. Sometimes I think that I didn't deserve to live. I was walking on sacred ground. Beneath me, lie the piles and piles of my ancestors. Their blood is in the soil. Their memories are whispered in the wind that rustles in the trees. It sometimes haunts me to think about it.

What have I done for them?

They built the ground that I step on, the place I live in. They built us, protected us. And what the hell have _we_ done for them?

Nothing. Simple as that. Nothing at all.

Maybe that's why I both hate, and love History. Because it reminds me how worthless I've been, and how they fought for us. But, I still wouldn't hate war. Because I'm living it. Every waking day and every sleepless night is a war that I fight.

My reflection doesn't think that I'm winning it.

* * *

I was standing outside. Why? Maybe because that's where I belonged. Outside. Never inside. She insisted that we meet outside. I didn't ask her. I didn't sound surprised. I just did my best to hide the pain. I smiled at her when she said that she'd join me _outside._ She doesn't need to see the pain.

 _Maybe she never really saw it in the first place,_ I thought.

She came out and held my hand. I brushed her hands away, I wasn't in a really good mood. She looked up questioningly. I saw something in her eyes that I registered as pain, but I just didn't give a shit about it. Not my fight. No.

"Is there...something...wrong?"

"No." I couldn't hear myself. I got the distinct feeling that I was clenching my teeth. A bit too tightly. "Nothing. Is. Wrong."

"Why..." she started, but I didn't let her finish. I just wasn't going to be quiet that day. Nope.

"Why are we talking outside?" I asked. She noticed the slur. She also noticed that I was rushing my words, as if I'd run out of air to say them.

"Why do you _whisper_ things to me?" I was demanding now. I wasn't shouting, I was just rushing it in a heated whisper. Hypocritical in a way.

"Why can't you say it out aloud? Is it because of me? Am I the problem?"

"Don't deny it." I added.

We locked gazes and I saw the tears forming. Damn it. I wanted to shout out to her that it wasn't _me_ who was speaking out. It was just this messed up part of me. I didn't want that part. _I didn't._

I pretended not to see the tears. I hoped that they wouldn't fall. But nonetheless I ignored it.

"I thought that we were laughing at them. Together. Now...I see that you're just like them. You're just laughing at me..."

"Is it because I'm different?"

She tried to speak but she couldn't get it out. She bit her lip and swallowed down the tears welling up inside her, about to burst like an overflowing dam.

 _This isn't ME!_ I screamed in my head.

"You are...different..." she said.

That's it. I heard it from her own mouth. The person I trusted the most, my only friend, the person I cared about the most. I felt the knife slashing through my heart. But instead of the pain, I felt a chill. Like my heart was freezing out. I looked at her and just stared. I just got up and walked away. I was out of earshot, but she whispered something and I'll be damned if I didn't hear it correctly.

"But so am I..."

* * *

Kai was on the verge of sleeping, but not quite there yet. He was just too tired and worn out. But nonetheless he had a slight smile on his lips as he gently rested his head against hers. He was happy, and he intended to make sure that Hiromi didn't feel the weight of the world on her shoulders. He promised her that things will be alright. And he intended to keep that promise. He really did.

* * *

I went home to a silent longing calling me. I've grown used to this face in the mirror. But when I went in front of it now, I saw something different. Something was just not right. I reached for my antidote and just held it in my hands, replaying the fragments of what just happened. Back then, at that moment, I didn't know who to blame. I threw it away. I picked up some paper and started jotting down words, formulating line by line of something that I'd refer to as a tapestry of pain, woven by my own hand. I picked up my guitar.

An hour later, I was listening to my voice on record. The music just hauntingly drifting back to it all.

 _"I lost everything - and anything I had - Watched it all drift away crumble into sand_

 _I know I've forced myself - Forgive me for stealing me away from myself..."_

I remembered the hurt in her eyes. I knew that that memory will never fade away.

 _"You won't be accusing me - for killing all this pain_

 _You won't be avoiding me - if I went away..."_

I remember how she always made me smile, and how she was always there for me. Never left.

 _"I faced my fears - and felt them scaring me - Felt them picking me - tearing me apart_

 _I know I've run away - Tattoos of regret etched all over me..."_

I tried not to remember what I said, but I did, and it hurt me that I could hurt her. I listened to the song over and over again until my own voice on the record convinced me to do something I've been wanting to do since forever, but never got to it.

I texted her the last verse.

 _"I'm only trying to breathe - find my way back home_

 _I'll try my best to keep - that smile on your face..."_

I hoped that she would know what it meant. Her replied confirmed it. She wanted to talk about it, well let's talk, because I'm tired of being dead. I wanted to feel alive. I picked up the phone on the second ring. We listened to each other breathing for a few seconds.

"I walked away..." I started.

* * *

Kai was at the edge, he felt like it. Her arm was around him, fighting off the cold. Her hand was holding his, protecting him from the darkness. He decided then and there, that it was never going to consume him again. Never again. And with that thought, Kai finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 **Oh, and as a treat for waiting so long, I'll tell the title of the next chapter, "People Live Here" and sadly, it _will_ take a considerable amount of time for me to update again. Exams coming in the next two weeks throughout and then for about half-a-week later, I'd be really busy with organizing some stuff. But I'll try my best _after_ the exams. **

**Oh yeah, and the lyrics in the last part are actually from "C17H19NO3" a song I wrote (for my band, PRVDNC) a few months back. I'd prefer if no one uses those words.**


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